I'm baaaaaaack! And I'm looking back to move forward.

So, I tried to run last night for a real run...first one truly in 3 weeks. It was quite demoralizing. I managed to get almost 2 miles in, but I also managed to walk 3 times. Insane, isn't it? My knee felt ok, but my breathing was so labored....it almost felt as if I was walking 10,000 feet above sea level. I thought that maybe it was the cooler air that I wasn't accustomed to (it did slowly get cooler over the last 1-2 weeks), but that doesn't entirely explain it. Seriously, I may have been away from running for 10 days, but I did quite a bit on the elliptical....surely, that helped somewhat?

I tried again tonight. Managed to make it 3.22 miles without stopping, but my pace was quite slow...averaged 10:26. So, thats still demoralizing. I have a 5-miler race in just 12 days afterall! But, I have to remind myself how much better it felt than it did just the night prior. Give it time, I tell myself. I hope to run a 5k every night this week, and while I'm away I'll squeeze back up to the 5-mile distance, if not more.

Its discouraging, but I know I will get it back soon enough. I better, right? Its strange though...in the last 3 weeks, I've found myself at the age of sanity several times. I rarely get frustrated with my kids. They may drive everyone else crazy at times, but I'm pretty much able to let it flow and not get worked up about anything. But over the last 10 days especially, I've really had to separate myself a few times from their insanity. Running really made a difference in my demeanor...and I only noticed it once I was lacking it.

For instance, I made christmas cookies (the traditional kind...rolling out the dough and cutting shapes, sprinkling and some even had frosting as well) with the kids yesterday. I was calm throughout. My kitchen didn't handle it so well, but I was calm. This after a pitiful run yesterday. But that same exact experience a mere week ago would have sent me over the edge! Yes, running makes me a better mother.

I suppose I find a lot of pride in telling people that I run. Maybe its because I never categorized myself as an athlete and I find I can do this, but maybe its because everyone else doesn't think they can do what I do, and I find pride in that! I suppose it doesn't matter. But I do know that this little hiatus as kept me away from this blog and even dailymile, and I missed that. I simply had nothing to lend to the conversation...and I definitely didn't like that! But, I'm revigorated. I am going to focus on distance and speed and am even contemplating P90X2 after the New Year. Seriously, it really appears that I can handle it while training for the half! Its insane, I'm sure...but I'm focused now once again.

As for the weight loss, I'm putting that on hold. I need to focus on the above and I'll worry about that after the races in the spring...weight loss will get another focus in May. But you never know, maybe if I don't focus on it, I'll find I don't need to lose any by that time. Either way, I'm going to work out my plan and see where the next several weeks hold for me!